Fear and Change
by liebedero
Summary: Written with much love and tears: Protect. Protect her. Always. Priority. Never will he be able to forget what it felt like to be there. She will never be the same again. THE BODYGUARD.
1. Priorities, Protection and Fear

**A/N: This was written with lots of love and tears. Please enjoy.  
**

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A dull throbbing ache is the first thing that he feels as he cracks open his heavy lids to see black and grey shadowed shapes. Images come

rushing back to him is bright flashes and blinding colour. Rachael... Gunshots and blood. His blood...Within seconds, he has shot up to try sitting,

the action instinctual, a reflex. A reflex that is natural, protect. Protect. Protect her. Always. Priority. But a sharp shooting pain runs through his

chest and shoulder, and he immediately lays back. His right hand is resting on his stomach, another slim hand entangled in his. The arm lays limp

across his torso, and her hand tightens its grip on his slightly with his sudden movement.

Rachael. He can barely turn his head, but it is just enough to see her curled in exhausted sleep on the chair next to his bed. Taking in his

surroundings, he notices his left arm is immobilized, and his chest tight and sore. But still he thinks only of Rachael. Her beautifully soft skin and

rich brown eyes... Her gentle touch, her bright smile...

He loves her. He always will. Even if it means that he will have to leave her. Nothing can ever change how he feels about her. He will not

stay. He can not. Again he drinks in the shadow of her peaceful figure. Nothing can change the fact that...he can loose her.

"what are you afraid of?" he whispers to himself. "loving her? not being there?" But he'll never be there if he leaves. He can't protect her,

the Bodyguard knows this, intimately. He has turned the thought over and over in his mind. "Afraid of ...What are you afraid of?" The bodyguard

wishes that she wasn't sleeping there, keeping watch over him, like a guardian angel.

He wishes that she'd just disappear. But he knows that it will never be true, no matter how hard he tries. Never will The Bodyguard be able to

put her from his mind. Never will he be able to forget what it felt like to_ be _there. Never will he feel the fear course through his veins like death as

he felt it that moment. Never again will he feel as he feels every moment that he holds her in his arms.

Nothing can replace her in his memory. Nothing can ever compare.

He is afraid of being there, yet he always will be. 

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I dedicate this solely to Kevin Costner who is wonderful in every way. Thank You for everything.


	2. Changes: Never be the Same

She had removed the bloodstained jacket that she had worn to the Oscars. It lay discarded on the chair. Rachael sat unmoving, her gaze trained on the face of her Bodyguard. Through the hospital gown, she could see the patches of gauze and the wrappings that hid the bullet wounds from the night before. She glanced at the clock on the wall, its hands showing three in the morning.

Rachael Marron had been terrified that he would die. So scared that he wouldn't make it. Afraid that she would loose him forever. She had ridden in the Ambulance with him, all alone, the paramedics had no comfort to give her. She had waited, alone, for him to come out of surgery, praying to God that he wasn't dead on the table, asking why it had been him, Frank. Why he would take a bullet, or two, to save her life.

And now she sat holding his hand where it was resting on his chest, the slow and steady rise and fall the only indication that he was really there, with her. That her Bodyguard would wake, that he would be okay. That she wouldn't have to be alone any longer. That she was loved.

Rachael had resumed her vigilant watch, eyes unwavering from his face, so tormented only hours ago. His eyelids flickered briefly, and her heart skipped a beat, but Frank did not awaken. She reached out with one hand, the other still clasped in his, and brushed her forefinger along his jaw line, and let it rest on his cheek.

Rachael Marron was helplessly in love with her bodyguard. Sighing heavily, she rejoined her hand with his, and let a tear roll down her cheek. "I want to say that I'm sorry. I was me, as you have a tendency to say. I just... I can't help it, I guess. I was so scared, scared that someone would get hurt, that I would get hurt. I just got, paranoid. It shouldn't be you. It should be me. Why? Why did you have to do it? Why did you have to be there?" Steadily, the tears came, now, falling onto their clasped hands and leaving warm trails on her cheeks.

" I...I will always, always love you, Frank Farmer, whether you leave me or whether I can convince you to stay. I won't be the same again. Ever,"

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Once again this piece was written for Kevin, with much love and tears. Thank you.


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